That's my hand. The henna has totally faded away, now. But that's what it looked like a couple of Friday nights ago at a Mehndi/Karaoke pre-wedding party in Seattle.

The daughter of friends in Washington (who are Christian) fell in love with the son of Indian immigrants who live in New Jersey (Hindu) and this party was the first event of a weekend of wedding not only the couple but the families together. Across three days everybody ate. Everybody danced. A good percentage of everybody sang. And by Sunday noon, everybody felt like family and it was hard to say goodbye.

I co-officiated the ceremony on Saturday with a Hindu priest and we went back and forth between the two traditions. The meaning behind our various rituals were remarkably similar. Though he and I represented very different faith traditions, the rituals our traditions use for marking a union are far more reflective of our cultures than our faiths.

A US Christian ceremony is heavily word-based - the officiant talks, the couple speaks vows, friends often bring readings. I think of it as head or thinking based. The action-oriented rituals are simple ones - walking down the aisle by a parent, exchanging of rings, and the kiss at the end...and a unity candle when it's used.

The Hindu rituals (and the priest used a VERY pared down version of the ceremony), had verbal components, but were all active and sensory based- sight, sound, taste, touch, scent. Garlands are exchanged to declare intent. Food is shared with the couple by the parents, denoting their support of the union. The couple makes their vows by taking seven steps forward together - with each step symbolizing a vow.

It was quite a wedding. When was the last time you got to see the groom ride up on a bejeweled horse?

Teilhard de Chardin

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.

We are all, quite naturally,

impatient in everything to reach the end

without delay.

We should like to skip

the intermediate stages.

We are impatient of being

on the way to something unknown,

something new, and yet it is the law of all progress

that is made by passing through

some stages of instability—

and that it may take a very long time.

And so I think it is with you.

Your ideas mature gradually—

let them grow, let them shape themselves,

without undue haste.

Don’t try to force them on,

as though you could be today what time

(that is to say, grace and circumstances

acting on your own good will)

will make you tomorrow.

Only God could say what this new spirit

gradually forming within you will be.

Give our Lord the benefit of believing

that his hand is leading you and accept the

anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense

and incomplete.

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin,

Patient Trust in Ourselves and in the Slow Work of God

Women's work

It's a bit past the event...umm...like a month. But, I finally got around to uploading pictures from my camera last night and came across these - taken at Prosser UMC's Spring Fling. The United Methodist Women invited me to come talk with them about women in ministry and I got to share one of my favorite stories with them.

A great-great uncle of mine, James Thoburn had gone to India in the 1860's as a missionary. Frustrated with his lack of ability to connect with women because of the cultural norms of the area, he fired off a letter to his sister. Oh, if she could only come and join him in the work!

Much to his dismay, she wrote back and said, "I’m on my way! " It took her 3 years to do it, but she convinced the Methodist Board of Missions to commission her as a deaconess and send her to India as one of two women missionaries who would focus on education and health care for women. (check out the recent article in UMWs Response) Upon arriving, Isabella promptly started what became in short order the first college for girls in Asia.

Now, this ran counter to a widely-held premise in that region that women were unteachable. Not only was educating women a waste of time, but it threatened to upset a social order based on the superiority and domnance of males. But, Isabella persevered, and the school is still going strong today, providing undergraduate, graduate and post-graduate education for women.

Though mortified at first that a woman would claim this kind of calling, her brother developed a new understanding of how God works..... and wrote in his book, My Missionary Apprenticeship:

"It seldom happens that the church is wise to know her day of visitation. When God would have her move forward and take up some new enterprise, it usually happens that God has to beckon often and long before he is obeyed. In 1859, Dr Durbin told me that he was astonished and perplexed by the general wish to engage in missionary work found among the young women of the Church. “If I wanted fifty young ladies,” he said, “I could find them in a week; but when I want five young men, I must search for them for a year or more.” It did not occur to him, it did not occur to any body, that the presence of a conviction so strong and general was an indication of the will of God."

Hmmmm.

Stop. Breathe. Look around.

Everything matters.
You are not alone.
You are more than you know
The awful thing is not the final word.
Today is all we have.

Today is enough.
We need each other.
St. Benedict's Way of Love

If it was my home...

Whoa. I'm stunned. I've hardly got words.

Like everybody else I've been following the BP oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico. But the scale of the event has been hard to visualize. IfItWasMyHome.com takes the size of the spill and superimposes it on a map of where you live.

My stomach hurts. I think I need to just sit here in some silence for a bit.

Transition Workshop

The conference's annual transition workshop for clergy is next week. For the last many years Gail Grossman has facilitated this event where pastors get their heads around leaving one church well and starting strong in the next...all without much time in-between. In addition to managing the practical nuts and bolts of the change, there is the much trickier work of relationships to think about. Gail does a great job.

This year, the workshop has been lengthened. In addition to the content Gail brings, the bishop and us district superintendents get to be present. Learning alongside the clergy will better prepare us to support them and the congregation. In addition, there will be time for the superintendents to talk with his or her pastors about the specifics of the church and community to which they'll be moving. Together they can begin thinking through that pastor's "assignment."

Now, a critical part that will need to follow, is finding a way to bring the staff parish relations committee at the local church into this conversation. You can imagine the mess (and the bind that the pastor is is) when the Superintendent thinks their assignment is one thing...and the local church thinks it's something quite different.

The workshop is being held much later this year than in previous years - the whole appointment process was slow. I'm helping with the section on leaving well. Given that the pastors have less than a month left, that section will be different than in the past. I'd love to hear your comments about what you think are the MUSTS about leaving well. (Thank you to all you who sent comments via email on the post about guaranteed appointments. Interesting that people had opinions...but no one wanted to post them publicly)

But wait! There's more! Transition workshops for laity (people in churches who are getting a new pastor) are scheduled in each of the districts. Vancouver's was yesterday. Seven Rivers tomorrow. Inland District's is Saturday the 12th. Tacoma's and Seattle's are Sunday the 13th. Call your district office for more information.

From Functional to Visionary

A functional congregation may look and feel like a healthy church. The bills are getting paid, programs run efficiently, and the members are satisfied. That may make for a functional institution, but it doesn't guarantee a healthy church.

In my consulting work, when I assess congregational vitality I look for three marks of health.

• Relationships among people than embody the "kindom" of God; relationships that are honoring, forgiving, loving, caring, mutual, and generative
• Spiritual Formation as an essential for everyone, rather than an activity pursued by a few
• A deep, pervasive concern for the temporal and spiritual well-being of people beyond the doors of the church - a concern that manifests in action.

I've been in any number of churches across the country whose numbers looked good, but having lost their understanding of and commitment to their fundamental purpose, ( making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world, for those UM churches)

were actually in decline - the numbers just didn't show it...yet.

This morning's article from the Alban Institute does a great job of summing up what happens in congregational renewal and the shift from being a functional congregation to being what the authors call a visionary congregation, where people have "an integrated sense of sacred community." The authors (Aron, Cohen, Hoffman & Kelman) write from having researched synagogues - but it's all very applicable to a Christian church, and it's well worth your time.

A Labyrinth Garden

I love walking a labyrinth and I love vegetable gardening - both are ways I ground and center myself. Either one is a good antidote to a stressful day. Who knew I could have both at the same time?

Take a gander at this beauty under construction at Cornelius United Methodist Church in Cornelius, Oregon. This photo is courtesy of Mira Conklin's blog, Historias de Transformacion, where more photos await you.

And, and, and!.... they've started The Supper, where English-speakers and Spanish-speakers gather to eat together and intentionally reflect on where they see God showing up in their lives and in the world.

No Guarantees...?

Come general conference in 2012, the guaranteed appointment system (guaranteed employment for ordained United Methodist clergy till age 72)- may be a thing of the past. This is going to be a very hot topic over the next few years. This article lays out some of the pros and cons. I lean towards the elimination of guaranteed appointments, but, I'm sure not ready to cast a vote yet.

Commission takes aim at clergy job guarantees

connecting with young adults

That's the question I get asked most these days, "how do we connect with young adults?" Here's an article from the Alban Institute that lays out some of the issues one church found itself needing to deal with. Take a gander and tell me what you think.

Thy kindom come...

Finding fairly traded coffee, chocolate, tea and snacks in a small town can be pretty tough. Goldendale UMC solved the problem by creating a tiny "store" in a small, unused room off the main hall. The Lord's Prayer stands by the door. "This room is one way we can live out that prayer we all say aloud together each week," commented a member. "Yes, it's more expensive...but if we aren't willing to put our money in the direction of our prayers, then how much do we really want what we're praying for?"

Embrace Life

Yes, it's a PSA for seatbelts. But a metaphor for so much more.

Channels

Have you read the latest edition of Channels? It's the monthly publication of the Office of Connectional Ministries and it's chock full of what's being going on around the conference. Bishop Hagiya's article on this year's appointment process clearly articulates the challenges and gives you a glimpse into what we wrestle with at that table.

For those of you who part of creating newsletters, mailings, brochures, bulletin boards, and such for your church...while you're reading Channels for the content, be sure to notice the design...the use of white space, and of color, and of font style. Does the look match the content? Together, what do they say about the annual conference - what it is and what & who it cares about? Jesse Love, our print and publications manager, does a great job of thinking through all those things.

Got Preschool?

A question for those of you whose congregations have a preschool associated with them. What are some of the ways your congregation has been successful in connecting with and supporting the parents and families? Connell UMC maintains a prayer request box that's at the door to the classroom. Another congregation knits prayer shawls for pregnant moms. What do you do that works?